One question we should all ask ourselves is was I happy before I met my spouse or had children? Now a healthy answer would be, “Yes I was truly happy with just being me, but when my spouse came along life was even better, and when I had kids I was even happier.” Some of us feel like well life pretty much sucked before I met my husband or I never felt like I was worth anything until my kids came along and constantly needed me. If you answered yes to the second part then you probably also have the tendency to rely on those people to bring you joy and fulfullment. Without them you have a hole and no purpose. You probably also still haven’t found who “You” are and what makes “You” unique. Before I married Andy he made one thing clear, “I love to hunt, that’s who I am, that’s who I always have been and you will never change that part of me.” Now obviously there was a reason for this conversation to come up and it was simply because every time he went hunting I just wasn’t happy being by myself. I didn’t know how to just be me. I still hadn’t found who I was as a person. I’ve learned that alone time is actually one of the most rewarding times you can have in a busy day. It’s the perfect time to focus on you. So maybe go buy a new outfit, read something that inspires you, or go for a run. Whatever it is do something to better yourself. No that does not mean sit around doing laundry all day and feeling like you are the only one not having fun around your house. Have you ever been to a funeral and thought when you left, “I can only hope one day when I pass mine would be something like that.” They lived a good life, they made a difference, and they made a name for themselves. What comes up when people say your name? Maybe you feel like your identity is haunted by a past, or is associated with being a needy person, a bad friend, a nagging wife, a lousy worker, or maybe you are unnoticed in other people’s lives. God changed Jacob’s name meaning,”supplanter” to “Israel” meaning, “having power with God.” Genesis 32:28 Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” What will your name be? Find who you are and you will find happiness outside of other people. Don’t be suprised if this isn’t easy. If you wan’t to lose weight you have to work out and eat right. No one gets fit by doing nothing.
Archives for January 2015
Now in the beginning of my relationship with Andy I could have easily answered this question with, “Any man would be lucky to be married to me. I am fun, easy going, always dressed to impress, never too tired for sex, and I can easily make my husband my number one priority. As we all know life can get busy and messy really fast and it is easy to forget why we married each other in the first place. Life is always changing and being married means forever growing with someone. I remember before Lilah was born Andy had made the comment, “We are never having toys strolled all over the house.” About three months after we had Lilah sure enough her toys had taken over half the living room, and I was sitting folding my stack of laundry that seemed to never leave the couch, I was wearing yoga pants because my jeans still didn’t fit me without giving me a muffin top, my hair had literally been in an unwashed pony tail for three days, dishes were piled in the sink, and my husband had suddenly taken a moment to see the beauty in all the chaos. He let out a sigh of relief and said, “I love our messy house.. it finally feels like home.” To me that meant the world. It was reassurance that it didn’t matter anymore to him if he came home to a perfectly polished house and wife. Life wasn’t anything like the beginning of our relationship and maybe even after just one year we had both changed in different ways. What was it like to be married to me after having a baby? What would Andy say years from now about the kind of wife I was to him? Did I still feel like any guy would be lucky to have me? How did we treat each other the first few years as parents? Did I let stress and life with a baby over take my priority relationship with my husband? Did we laugh over spilled milk or did we cry? “When we are at the beginning of a relationship it is difficult to think of the end.” If you have kids you know life goes by fast and they grow in just a blink. I feel like I still just brought Lilah home from the hospital and now she is already rolling over and sleeping in her own room. When it comes to our kids we want to cherish every second of them. Our spouse shouldn’t be any different. It should be that same unconditional love that we feel for our kids. They should bring us the same joy and excitement because in a blink of an eye you will be sitting across the table from each other at your ten year anniversary, and then twenty year, and so on. What will you have to say about each other when that day comes?